A Wonderful Woman

I've been meaning to post this for a while now, and I'm even going to back date it so it falls into place, but this is the magnificent eulogy that Sean's aunt wrote to Sean's grandmother that tells all about her. This is special and I hope that Aidan and Abby will know what a wonderful woman she was. 

Today is a very sad day for we have to say goodbye to Marie, the loving wife and best friend of Bill and great mom to her five children John, Nancy, Frances, Rosemary, and Bill. 

I want to give tribute to my mom today because her life – how she lived it and what she did with her talents is a testament of the kind of life God wants for all of us. And I want to share some memories of my mom that exemplify the character of the special person we all so deeply loved.

- Marie entered this world close to midnight on December 12th, 1926. Her parents, Mary and James Kelly, were especially thrilled at her arrival as they had lost their first child, James, at birth, three years earlier. I remember my grandmother telling me that my grandfather was so excited about my mother’s birth that he ran all the way from the hospital to their house in the snow to share the good news with their family – it was after midnight and the trolleys were no longer running. She was joined two years later by her sister, Anna Marie completing the family.

- Philadelphia was Marie’s first home. She was shaped by her catholic elementary and all girl catholic high school education and was a good student – my grandmother told the story that my mother used to plop her report card on the table and run out to play –and leave my grandmother to open her report card of A’s alone – my mom was like that!

- Marie considered herself a city girl -- comfortable on the trolley, and loved going to the dances they had in Philly back then. In January of 1949 she met my dad, who would become as she told him one night toward the end of her life “the star of her life”. She could tell you the dress she wore that night and the song that was playing when they danced. She was not sure of the impression she was making with that first dance as apparently towards the end of the song my father said something to the effect that “it was a very long song”

- But she must have made a good impression as they went on to have a remarkable marriage – one forged in true friendship and equal partnership -- a great model for their children, grandchildren and nieces and nephews of the power and joy a strong marriage can provide you in life. My parents life together took them to many places – first to Delaware as newlyweds, then NJ as a young family, and even London, England, which was life changing for all of us but maybe most for my mom -- who at 43, left her beloved Blackwood NJ, and large circle of friends with 5 kids in tow – to return four years later to all her friends and family and a new set of Irish, Scottish and English friends who they would see many times in their trips back to England and Ireland over the remaining years of her life. My mom and dad spent the last 37 years of their life together in Virginia and in the end I think my mom actually felt Virginia measured up to Philadelphia, and Blackwood NJ as her favorite places on earth.

- While my mother’s life had many blessings, she also endured one of the most unbearable pains life can present -- the loss of her daughter Rosemary – the four years of my sister’s illness and her death at 30 changed my mother forever – she was able to get back some of her previous joi-de-vie –her faith, husband, friends and family helped immensely – but those who knew her best knew that there was still a pain in her heart and sadness that would never go away completely.

There are many things that made my mom special but four themes permeate her long purposeful life:

- First was her faith in a benevolent God – Marie had a very personal relationship with God as both her savior and friend. Her faith gave her the strength needed to survive the terrible tragedy of my sister’s death and also to cope with the many dangers that having a husband in law enforcement involved. Faith also played a big part in having and raising five kids – my mom was a bit of a worrier and without her faith, I think the anxieties involved in her many years of parenting and grand parenting would have been overwhelming.

- Second, and the most obvious to those who knew my mom was her belief that you could never have too many friends. I have never known anyone who made more true friends than my mom – Marie had this extraordinary gift of connecting with people, a generous spirit and also the gift of gab –she made you feel special because to her you were – genuinely special. I would venture to say many of you here today have something from my mom -- a sweater she made, a scarf, a card, -- my mom liked to give things to people to show she cared – and she said “I love you” often – she was like that!
Marie also loved to entertain and celebrate. - -from England to Wildwood, first communions, weddings, graduations, baptisms, you name it – Marie was always a key part of the celebration. One summer, my dad worked in NY City and we spent that summer up in Long Branch NJ in a dilapidated old beach house. Over that summer we counted having over 100 guests visit us and stay for a week or more – all in less than three months!
As the years moved on, my mother gladly assumed the matriarch role in the large Collins’ family – representing the greatest generation at all family events. And even at her sickest, towards the end of her life, she still was making friends, telling her nurses and doctors how pretty they were, how good they were at their job and how much she appreciated their help.

- Third was her confidence and strength of principle. It was a very important part of her character and, although understated, permeated her very being. I remember one story in particular when my mother was a young women that I think exemplifies this – she was probably 21 at the time and was the medical secretary to the Chief of Orthopedic Surgery at University of Pennsylvania Hospital. Her boss was a renown elderly southern surgeon who, sadly, like many of his generation held racist views. When she first arrived on the job, she was instructed to seat African American patients outside the waiting room in the hallway. My mother refused to do this and from the start began seating all patients in the waiting room. When questioned by her boss about this she told him, without any hesitation, she would not do what he instructed. The office policy was changed as a result of my mother’s strong sense of doing what was right. What’s most compelling was the fact that my mother, although more than 40 years younger than her boss, had the courage of principle to stand up to someone who most people would have been terribly intimidated by == and she did it in a way that she maintained a cordial relationship with the Dr. until his death 15 years later.

- The fourth, and maybe the most central theme in my mother’s adult life was her desire to be a good mother and wife. If asked, she would have told you being a wife and mother was her vocation and truly believed it was what she was put on this earth to be. About a year ago – when my mother’s dementia had progressed to the point she was not talking much, I asked her what had been the best day of her life – “the day your father proposed marriage to me”, she said without hesitation. She loved being my dad’s wife and my dad will tell you, also without hesitation, that her saying yes to his proposal was the best thing that ever happened to him.

And we, her children also will tell you she was a great mom and told her often in the last few years of her life – and we each have our memories of mom instilling her special mothering skills on us --
- For John it involved the London tube – shortly after our arrival in England where he left us all standing on the train tracks.
- Frances’ is from first grade and involved my mother’s coming up with a song we all can still recount to this day – “what is the word the word is what?”
- Bill’s had to do with his being late in getting college applications in and my mom driving him to the general post office to ensure he got his app in on time – let’s just say she was not happy with Bill on that drive.
- And mine, well one I remember involved a sassy 19 year old telling her mother she was jealous she was not 19 anymore – let’s just say my mom’s look in response convinced me that she knew something that I did not yet know – and that was that she had made her choices in life, was very happy with them and I would be lucky to be where she was when I reached her age!

And so today as we say goodbye to our mom, our wife, our grand mom, our sister, our aunt and our dear friend, we do it with sadness but also with the happiness of having had the opportunity to share our life with you.

Marie, we love you and are proud to call you all of these things – say hi to Rosey and all our friends and relatives as you enjoy your eternal reward that God has in store for you.