Happy 1st Birthday Abigail Rose!

I truly can't believe my sweet baby girl is one today! One whole year old!

Abby girl, At 10:40am on August 25, 2011 you entered this great big world and have brought joy to everyone you have met since then. This past year has been the fastest year ever. It has also been one of the hardest, yet most rewarding as well. You might wear me out most days with your running around and getting into things, but you make me smile every day. You are one silly girl who knows when and what to do to make us laugh, especially at dinner time when it's fairly quiet. Somehow that's always when you decide to crack up laughing to get all the attention just because, and then we always join in because you are just too cute and funny not to laugh with. You make us all so incredibly happy.

{Love at first sight for Daddy}

{Mommy was happy you were finally here}

{Our last monthly picture}

Wow. The last monthly picture. Yup, at this point the screen is so blurry from my tears I'm not even sure I can write this post. Whew. Deep breaths. Seriously, one? How did this happen so fast? I'm pretty sure I still remember having you in my belly and feeling all those kicks, though it does seem so long ago we were dealing with every two hour feedings, newborn cries, and holding and changing you so delicately because we were afraid to hurt you. Now it's every three hour feedings with some sleeping through the night happening lately, toddler whines, and wrestling you to the floor to change you. You are so cute and so funny though it's hard to get frustrated with you. 

Here's a little peek into your great big toddler world:

• practically running around the house now
• can climb up steps, and even come down one or two
• keep trying new foods with you even though most of the time you try to hand them back after chewing a bit
• cheerios are a big hit
• enjoying your baby dolls
• love to pet Toby and always call for "woof"
• chatting up a storm and trying new words all the time
• love the bath and pool
• swinging and going for wagon rides are outside favorites
• Aidan is your best bud and you want to do everything he is doing
• you give lots of kisses and hugs now
• still nursing, though I'm trying to cut back to just wake-up and bedtime
• drink whole milk, though it usually has to be warmed
• wearing size 12 months clothes
• wearing size 3 diapers
• probably a size 4.5 shoe right now
• and I'll update your growth stats after the appointment

So baby girl, I'm not sure how the past year flew by so quickly, but I do know that it was one of the best years of my life. We were blessed with an amazing daughter who is the perfect sibling for Aidan. You make us laugh and smile and appreciate so many of the littler things in life. Love you SOOO much!

My thoughts on life right now:

I need more tissues.

Best year ever. 

So blessed. 

Chh chh chh changes...

Too many to be quite honest! I don't do well with change, not at all. And the end of August is going to drive me straight down Stress Street. Maybe if I get it all out in the blog I'll be a little calmer about all the things to come. And maybe, just maybe, I'll realize that I'm not the one in control and it'll have to be okay. Because everything always works out, right?

• Abby turns one.
• started the transition to whole milk and trying to cut back on nursing her. never thought I'd make it more than a few weeks and now we're having a harder time weaning. what an emotional rollercoaster in more ways than one.
• blessed to have two healthy, amazing children. doubly blessed that we have a boy and a girl. wondering if this is it for us, or if there's more to come. if she is my last baby i want to soak up every second of the tiny tot stages.

• Aidan goes to preschool.
• he'll ride a bus. and i won't be driving. nor will i be buckling him in to be sure he's 100% safe and protected. i won't be there if anything happens or to make sure there's no bullies. because yes, even preschoolers can get bullied. 
• he'll be in the public school which is fabulous, but it's just one step closer to the big K and that is just crazy. he was just a tiny baby not so long ago. how can he be in real school already? 
• how will he deal with a new school? new teacher? new friends? will he be nervous? will he remember to use the bathroom?

• I'm teaching a new-to-me class.
• i haven't even thought about this kind of class since college.
• i don't know how i'll run the room.
• i hate transitioning into something new.
• i'll have two aides, which means micromanaging. and also means that they could potentially think it's okay to have a whole lot of social time and i hate confrontation.
• did i mention i've never done it before?
• i am my biggest critic, and while i know i can be a good teacher, i worry that my best isn't good enough sometimes.

• Abby is going to two places. 
• Kathy will be watching Abby twice a week and Jeneen three times a week. 
• family is a little more accepting of the rough days and difficult kids, just hoping a friend will be too (I know she will, I guess I'm just worried she'll tire of Abby quickly).
• will abby be okay with two different places? will she eat well? nap well? still get to go to story time at the library with mom-mom? 
• will i remember where i'm taking her on which day? will i get to work on time?

ugh. i think that's all for now. but i'm not promising i won't come back and add more. and i'll admit to deleting some others that typing them out made me realize how ridiculous it was to be worrying about it. 

My thoughts on life right now:

worrying has got to be a genetic trait. thanks mom. :p

am i the only one who likes needs to have so much control?

when will i be able to just loosen up?

Run, Staci, Run!!!

February 13, 2012 was the start of my new beginning. The one where I tried to make myself love running, and though I may not actually love the act of it, I love the feeling after completing a run and the results I'm seeing in the mirror. I started Couch to 5k that day and began a new outlook on running. At the end of April I ran my very first 5k (Phillies Charities 5k), then I ran two more in May. One for Juvenile Diabetes and one for my school's PTO. Friends started discussing running the Wild Half Marathon and the 8k on August 26th and all I was thinking was how Abby would turn one the day before. 

Fast forward to a run a couple of month ago where it hit me. The whole reason I started running was to feel better, not just for me, but for my kids. I was sluggish and tired all the time with little to no energy to play. I didn't want to be that mom. I wanted to have energy, be fun, and yeah...look pretty good while doing it. So that's when I convinced Sean to do the half marathon that he showed interest in and I'd sign up for the 8k. Once we got the logistics of staying somewhere and babysitters, I committed to running it. 

Today I laced up my shoes and tried completed the longest run I've ever done. 4 miles. 4 whole miles. Crazy! I've never run 4 miles in my life but today I did it. And when I felt so tired and sore that I just wanted to stop and walk home, I thought about my kids. About how I want to be around for a really long time for them. About how I want to have the energy and ability to play all day with them. And that's when I pushed myself that much harder to keep going, to finish that whole 4 miles. And when I was done? Well, I looked down at my MapMyRun app and was mad at myself for not going a little further so I could have "closed" the rectangle I drew on the map with the GPS tracking! ha! There's that self-guilt again. But then I stopped and thought "wow. I really just ran four miles. I did it. And to think it's only been six months of irregular running." I'm pretty proud of myself. 

{Avg. 11:55 min/mi...slow & steady}

My thoughts on life right now:

It may not have been the fastest I've ever run, but I ran.

My work clothes may actually fit me this year.

I need to keep up this healthy habit.